Kosmos’ Health Advice

Dear Kosmos,

Q: How do you stay motivated to go to the gym and work out?

        That’s an easy question. I go in search of my next hot date. People love to see their partners toned up and ready to go. I just rob some shiny oil on my body, and once I see a potential hot date coming, I jump on a treadmill, and that’s my exercise for the day. Pretty swell.

Q: How can I stay awake?

     You should get enough sleep. But if that is not possible, I would recommend drinking 5 cups of coffee a day, 3 bottles of Five-Hour Energy, and 4 cups of anything else that contains caffeine. You won’t be able to go to sleep for a while, and you will have time to study and socialize with people.

Q: I try to cook my own food so as to save money, but I despise what I make. Any suggestions?

         That’s pretty easy. Get a recipe book and follow directions. However, I have heard that there are people who have an aversion to being near the kitchen or making anything. If you are that type of person, you should make close friends with people who cook so that you can always visit them for free food. Don’t forget that there are lots of free food events, and you can sign up for the “freefoodlistserv.”

Q: How do I keep my concentration without taking drugs?

    Well you probably should sleep more, but I have heard that soaking your feet in ice cold water will definitely keep you awake. You can try that.  If that is not enough, studying in a cold room and trying to avoid thinking of the cold will help you concentrate more.


Where Do You Find Meaning?

1. Within the fortune cookie at your favorite Asian restaurant. If you wanted luck, this would be a good choice. But if you are seeking answers, a fortune picked at random by a total stranger would not be the answer.

2. A fortune teller. You may be able to divine the path of your soul from their predictions. But be aware that they tell the same thing to everyone that can pay their fees.

3. Philosophy. It can help you gain knowledge and understand of the meaning of life for others, but you may go raving mad to the point of losing it.

4. The rising sun. It can be a motivation to start life anew, but don’t become a roasted potato.

5. Music. If you can find your life’s meaning in music, then you can be swayed by anyone with a good voice and inspirational words. A con-artist, maybe?

6. Food and coffee. Sounds like you are just hungry.

7. Friends. Not all friends are good. Don’t try to find your meaning from bad friends or you may just end up behind bars.

8. Relationships. It’s best to already know yourself before starting a relationship or you will end up being led by the nose by your partner.

9. School. With the money you spend, you will find your life’s path, whether it’s as a lawyer or Walmart cashier.

10. Remember, however, that you can find the meaning of your life in odd places. See the picture below.


Surprising Retirement Plans of Georgetown Faculty

      Have you ever wondered what professors and deans would like to do upon retirement? I interviewed Professor Jane Aiken, Director of the Community Justice Project, Andrew Cornblatt, Dean of Admissions at the Law Center, and Professor David Cole to find out.

      As I prepared to interview Jane Aiken on what her future retirement plans were, I thought she would tell me any one of the standard answers—write a book, travel the globe, speak at different schools or work for the government. I never expected her answer.  She told me that it had always been her life long dream to be a farmer in Tennessee. Tennessee!! Growing up, she was exposed to family members who either were farmers or knew farmers. She grew up being aware of the growing decrease in farmers, and she wanted to contribute. However, to actually be a famer was not a line of business welcomed in her family. Her parents and older siblings had all completed graduate school, and she was expected to do the same. So according to her, “since I had a second passion for the law, I went to law school and obtained my JD. But because of debt, I had to start practicing law.”

But when I asked her why she didn’t drop out after she paid her debt, she laughed and said, “As I gained more fame as a lawyer, it was difficult to just throw in the towel and start digging the earth. I was forced to keep going. I don’t know why, but I felt that I had to keep going.” I guess that when she eventually retires, there is no need to keep going for her. She wants to rekindle her childhood dream. She plans to move to Tennessee after 2 years of retirement and take up farming. Asked whether she would not feel out of place or ashamed, she said, “I know a lot of professors in different schools or people in government or other blue collar jobs who, after retirement, have done something that no one would expect. For example, the senator who did Dancing With the Stars, so I am no different.”

     I also talked to Andrew Cornblatt, Dean of Student Admissions. His goal upon retirement was not to rekindle his second passion but to continue working with students like he always has. Apparently, his best memories are of his time spent at Camp Anawana, so he wants to volunteer at a camp. I asked him whether he could handle the daily affairs of the camp, and he laughed and said, “I will have people running the camp; I only want to open a camp for children.” I don’t think it is right to make fun of peoples’ retirement dreams, but I wonder if he has considered the liability from potential lawsuits. But if camp is what he wants, then he has every right to see his dream come through.

      I could practically predict Professor Cole’s answer.  He was my criminal procedure professor during my first year. I also knew he had worked for the Constitutional Project and was extremely pro-defense, so I wasn’t expecting anything out of the ordinary. So when I asked him what he wanted to do, he said he would like to educate “prisoners and susceptible neighborhoods about their legal rights so that the police could not abuse them.” What a typical answer. Nevertheless, I wasn’t going to accept it, so I pushed him to think about what he would do if the world was coming to an end tomorrow. He said, “I want law and order.” I gave up.  It was truly interesting to hear what professors and deans planned to do upon retirement. I guess there is no set track.  


(Happy April Fool’s! Love, Law Weekly.)

Horoscopes (or maybe word association)

This is what everyone born between July 23 and August 22 looks like. Photo courtesy of the National Broadcasting Company’s promotional photographs.Aries - You may or may not experience an event which either will or won’t change your life.

Taurus - I feel like the fact that your sign is a bull may say something about your attitude toward intimate relations. But I could be wrong.

Gemini - You’re the forgotten NASA program, sandwiched between Mercury and Apollo, which allowed our space program to learn things like space walks and ship-to-ship docking.

Cancer - Now I’m just depressed.

Leo - Your last name is McGarry and you will be White House Chief of Staff to Fictional President Josiah Bartlett.

Virgo – You will have an amazing week. Because you’re amazing.

Libra - Something good will happen in the next few days, and you will be forced to make a decision. Those two might not be related.

Scorpio - Scorpion scorpion scorpion scorpion scorpion. It’s got a stinger for a tail.

Sagittarius - Relationship dynamics may change after an event occurs that neither of you expected. Well, he expected it. She, on the other hand….

Capricorn - To infinity, and beyond!

Aquarius - It’s the dawning of your age. Steve Carrell told me so. Although, now that I think about it, that might not be what the song was about.

Pisces - You and your friend Reese will get together for an excellently sweet business venture. Wait. Is that not how you say it? Really? Hmm.

Kevin Talks: Advice for Law Students

Dear Law Weekly,

The other night, my friends and I were debating whether law school was more like high school or college. What do you think?


The Imaginary Questioner

Thanks for your imaginary question, Imaginary Questioner. This debate, as old as law school itself, warrants a pointby-point breakdown.


High school wins hands down. With 1,860 JD students, or 620 per class, Georgetown is among the largest law schools in the country. A high school of similar size would also be considered big, while a college of that size would be considered very small. High School 1 – College 0.

Living Situation

I’m pretty sure most law students don’t live with their parents. At least not during the school year. High School 1 –College 1.


This depends on what kind of high school you attended and/or how seriously you took college. For most people, I would suspect that the workload most closely resembles college. For me, the college workload was often a pile of reading that I had no chance of actually completing, while in high school I had somewhat less to do, but was expected to actually get it done. Law school classes actually involve a manageable amount of reading that you are expected to get done. Point high school. High School 2 – College 1.


The curve: it does not matter how much you learn in any absolute sense, you just have to do better than your classmates. While my general experience here has been that students are friendly and willing to help, the curve inevitably leads to some competition, whether it is spoken or unspoken. I found college to be the least competitive environment: everyone simply stayed in their lane. High school, however, involved competition for class rank to get into a “good college.” High School 3 – College 1.

Sexual Promiscuity

What are you implying? This is a Catholic school. Students don’t have sex unless they’re married. High School 3 – College 2.

Likelihood of a Professor to Remember Your Name

I don’t know about you, but I never had a high school class with 100 people in it. High School 3 — College 3.

Social Scene

There is approximately one party per week, during which students overcompensate for the fact that this is their only opportunity to have fun. High School 4 – College 3.

Got a question? E-mail Kevin: Kevin.Scura@gulawweekly.org.

Tina Talks: Advice for Law Students

Photo courtesy of Fotopedia. Remember that kid in “Matilda” who ate too much cake? Yeah, you might want to stop before you get to that point.Dear Tina,

I ate too much pie over the weekend and now I feel kind of gross. What should I do?

Full of It (Pie)

Dear Full,
How much pie did you eat?  If it was a lot, I commend you on your pie eating efforts, but not on your whining. Was it worth it?  I bet it was.  Would you do it all over again?  I bet you would.
Drink some prune juice and let go of your regrets.  If you still have pie left, don’t let it go to waste.  Believe in yourself, and you can put it down.  Maybe sprinkle it with Metamucil to help it on its journey.
There’s really no such thing as eating too much pie.  Pie contains important food groups: the crust is a grain and a dairy (butter is often mistakenly categorized in the sweets/fats food group, when it really belongs with its dairy brethren), and the filling is a fruit, a nut, and/or custard, which is filled with protein-rich egg.  Chocolate contains antioxidant properties, and pumpkin’s full of vitamins and fiber.
Plus, we all need a little sugar to put pep in our step this time of year.  Think of all the pie inside you as brain fuel, rocketing you towards finals.  Don’t you feel like eating more pie now?
My grandfather used to tell me to run around the block to get Thanksgiving dinner settled and make room for pie.  Maybe you should have a post-pie run around the block to get the pie settled and make room for other foods, or if I have persuaded you, for your pre-finals all-pie diet.  A few jumping jacks also work to shake down the contents of one’s stomach.
If you choose (wisely!) to live the all-pie lifestyle, you probably will need to increase your exercise to account for pie’s nutrient laden, caloric density. Jog in place while you outline, or run through the stacks if you’re in the library, and then do some bicep curls with your heaviest textbook.  Work in some squats and sit-ups while you’re mentally organizing your responses to practice tests and, you’re all set. 
You are now a pie-fueled, lean, mean studying machine with the stamina to take on the toughest of exams. 
You’re welcome!
Chomp on!


Top 10 Things to Put on Your Winter Break Agenda (or Relax?)

Photo courtesy of anthonycamp’s photostream on Flickr.com. Check out the “Top Ten” this week for ideas for your New Year’s resolutions.We know that you’re too preoccupied to think about winter break, but the Law Weekly has you covered when you finally get there.

1. Ask Santa for loan forgiveness for Christmas.

2. And if you’re entering Big Law, be sure to make your New Year’s resolution count for several years.

3. J.D. Jokester’s resolution should be, “I will get a life”…outside of the Law Weekly.

4. For everyone else, your resolution should be: “I will read the “Top Ten” every week.

5. Take a nap in the hammock that we recommend you buy in “Disorientation.”

6. Try to mend relationships with all your non-law student friends.

7. Follow Tina’s all-pie diet.  Do you really think anyone is checking you out in law school anyway?

8. I know “relax” is a bad word in law school, but is it really that bad?

9. When is the last time you read a book since starting law school? What was that? Never? At least contemplate the idea of doing this.

10. Don’t get too carried away with that eggnog. We know finals were stressful.

by J.D. Jokester and Prudence Juris


Review: The best of whatever I’m listening to right now, 2011 edition

Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons. Tiffany recommends checking out “Camp” by Childish Gambino, a.k.a. Donald Glover. Law students can relate well to his nerdy pop culture references.This isn’t a “Best of 2011” list. This is just a “Best of Whatever I’m Listening to Right Now” list, and I am a fickle person with a short attention span. Everyone’s trying to upstage everyone else with new, undiscovered finds. I have no such delusions of  grandeur. There’s no valid reason you should adhere to my music recommendations, but here they are:

Justice – “Audio, Video, Disco” (2011) Somewhere between the cloying Europop Guetta invasion and the harsh industrial dubstep uprising, we find Justice, maturing to the edge of adult contemporary in their sophomore effort. Like pretty much the entire world, I loved “Cross.” “Audio, Video, Disco” is less dance-y, with none of the stadium hits of “Cross.” However, the sound is cleaner and clearer. “Audio, Video, Disco” is consistently pleasant, upbeat, soft electro with no surprises.  Best song: “Civilization.”

Childish Gambino – “Camp” (2011) Childish Gambino is fresh, clever, and self-aware. His beats are purposefully awkward, but his lyrics are intelligent and sharp. Donald Glover’s biting sense of humor pervades his music, and this album is full of enough nerdy pop culture references to allow even law students to relate. It’s like Eminem (especially on “LES”) and LMFAO had a baby, and that baby got a degree at NYU, put on hipster glasses, and decided to rap. Best song: “Bonfire.”

Little Boots – “Hands” (2009) English artist Little Boots (Victoria Christina Hesketh) is touring right now in support of an album due next year. It’s probably a good time for a refresher course on Little Boots, a mainstay of the electropop scene both here and across the pond. Fame aside, this album is just plain fun.There’s an edge in songs like “Meddle” that you might not expect from Hesketh’s lilting voice and peppy syncopation. Best song: “New in Town.”

Fitz and the Tantrums – “Pickin’ Up the Pieces” (2010) Fitz and the Tantrums take the 60’s Motown revival that’s been pervading the indie scene, and raise it to a whole other level. Did you like “Tighten Up,” but wish the rest of “Brothers” had that retro sound? You’ll like this album. No technical tricks or modern inventions, but in today’s rapidly changing society, sometimes what’s new is old, and what’s old is new again. Best song: “Don’t Gotta Work It Out.”

Skrillex – “Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites” (2010)/”More Monsters and Sprites” (2011) Do you want to hear something that will make you feel old? Listen to dubstep. We’re all in law school now, so there’s no point in trying to keep up with music trends. However, we don’t live under rocks (yet), so take a gander at what the young’uns think of as “music.” Skrillex is probably the most famous of the dubstep artists on the scene right now, and songs like “First of the Year (Equinox)” are fairly palatable even to the post-teen set. Best song: Remix of Benny Benassi’s “Cinema.” It’s not on either EP. Sorry.

Black Keys – “Brothers” (2010) I know, I know. The Black Keys were 2010’s Kings of Leon. But the thing is, the Black Keys are actually creative, and their songs don’t all sound like the same repetitive hackneyed whining centered on one chord progression. “Brothers” is more than just the hit single “Tighten Up.” The Black Keys show an admirable range, from the classic rock riffs in “She’s Long Gone” to the modern alt sound of “Everlasting Light.” Great range, great music. Best song: “Next Girl.”

Florence & The Machine – “Ceremonials” (2011) Is there anyone out there who doesn’t love Florence by now? This album is a bona fide hit. Every song just works. Florence Welch and the various band members that make up The Machine have found a great blend of Florence’s gospel-inspired vocals and modern production techniques. “Cermonials” is a moving collection of evocative songs full of drive and inspiration. If I had to pick one album of the year, “Ceremonials” would be it. Best song: EVERY SONG.

Lana del Rey – “Video Games” (2011) Lana del Rey sounds like what you’d imagine that quiet girl in your office would sound like if she got drunk on whiskey and had an emotional moment with a microphone and an ex-boyfriend. Best song: “Blue Jeans.”

The Dead Weather – “Sea of Cowards” (2010) The Dead Weather’s 2010 album, “Sea of Cowards,” brings back that rough urgency present in the White Stripes’ best songs, but this time, with a female vocalist (Alison Mosshart of The Kills), a full band backup (Dean Fertita of Queens of the Stone Age, Jack Lawrence of The Raconteurs), and a sometimes gratuitous use of synth effects. Great background music for demolishing finals. Best song: “Die by the Drop.”

Britney Spears – “Femme Fatale” (2011) The days when Britney’s albums relied on her actual voice are long gone, but “Femme Fatale” provide some pleasant listening. Of course, the producers who worked on this album could make a recording of a dog barking and turn that into a chart-topper, but we’ll let that slide. “Femme Fatale” is another perfect pop album, accessible to everyone, incorporating some fresh, new trends in a non-threatening manner. Best song: “Till the World Ends.”

Carrie Underwood – “Play On” (2009) I have to admit I do have a Country playlist, and it consists almost entirely of Carrie Underwood. Underwood is the anti-Taylor Swift. This is music for grown-ups. Also, Underwood actually has a good singing voice. “Play On” takes less risks but is more cohesive than Underwood’s first album, “Carnival Ride” (2007). A few songs are overly formulaic, but Underwood brings a strong energy to even the twangiest country stereotypes. Best song: “Cowboy Cassanova.”

Supplementary Reading
Mumford & Sons – “Sigh No More” (2009) You know who’s really the new Kings of Leon? Mumford & Sons. All of their songs are the same song, but boy they’re catchy. They’re basically Gogol Bordello for normal people.

Foster the People – “Torches” (2011) I wanted to include Foster the People, I really did, but I can no longer stand to hear any iteration of “Pumped Up Kicks.” I think there should be a statute of limitations for how long a song remains popular.

David Guetta – “Nothing But the Beat” (2011) I really don’t want to hear any more Guetta. Unless I’m in Vegas. Alas, I am in the library, which is basically the opposite of Vegas. Thanks for reminding me of all the fun I’m not having, Mr. Guetta.

Maroon 5 – “Hands All Over” (2011) It was a great year for Maroon 5. Lead singer Adam Levine is now a judge on a popular reality program. He guest vocaled on a hit track with Gym Class Heroes, and is currently starring in an ADHD PSA. The band took a Christina Aguilera-featuring song and turned that into an international sensation. “Hands All Over” is an effective comeback album, the band’s best since 2002’s “Songs About Jane.”

Online Playlist

If you want to know exactly what I’m listening to right at this moment, you should probably ask my roommate Sofie. I sing along to songs (a) loudly and (b) constantly. Since I’m sure you guys are now all really disappointed you’re not Sofie, I made you a Spotify playlist. The list includes some of my favorite songs from each album in this list, and the ones mentioned in the supplementary reading. Because you do the supplementary reading in your casebooks, right? Right. 



Photo courtesy of 5lab’s photostream on Flickr.com. At the end of finals, treat yourself and go buy a hammock. Start saving up nowSagittarius - Standards of review are flexible, and so is the curve. No worries, everyone else is just as lost as you are.

Capricorn - Is that class that you’re really worried about a seminar or writing course? If so, then don’t. Seminars are generously curved. Also, adjuncts give better grades than full-timers.

Aquarius - Say it with me. “Next semester, I will schedule mostly seminars and experiential learning classes and only use pass/fail credits for large 4-credit courses.”

Pisces - Back up your notes. I’ll wait; do it now. Done? Good. Every semester, at least one student loses everything. Don’t be that student.

Aries - Proper nutrition is hard to come by this time of year. Stay away from the vending machines! Try cracking an egg into your ramen while it’s boiling to add some protein to your sodium.

Taurus - Morning before a final food do’s and don’ts. DO eat grains or breads and have coffee. DON’T eat bananas or apples or other fruits. Your body is not accustomed to them, and bad things will happen.

Gemini - “Certainly the best works, and of greatest merit for the public, have proceeded from the unmarried, or childless men.” – Francis Bacon  Don’t worry, law school has placed you on the right track.

Cancer - It doesn’t look like you’ll ever understand copyright law. Sorry. “Only one thing is impossible … To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.” – Mark Twain

Leo - Get ready for the greatest video of all time: the “How to Take an Exam” video, in vintage VHS.

Virgo - As you prepare for exams, think about why you went to law school. If you don’t remember, you can always dig up your application essays. They’re at least good for a laugh.

Libra - You’re having trouble with your Christmas list. Whatever you do, resist the urge to write “For the pain to stop.” It will scare the crap out of your mother.

Scorpio - You are nervous. Don’t be. You’ll do better at what you thought yourself bad at and worse in the rest.

Tina Talks: advice for law students

Photo courtesy of blah.adam’s photostream on Flickr.com. Shaking in your shoes at the prospect of exams? Read on for Tina’s tips for combating exam anxietyDear Tina,
I’m really nervous about being nervous during finals. Any suggestions?  Help, please!
―Anxious about Exams

Dear Anxious,

Test anxiety is a common affliction, and unfortunately it is only exacerbated by the intensely competitive environment that is law school. That doesn’t mean you have to let it get the best of you. 
The problem with anxiety is that it keeps you from focusing on the test at hand. Here are a few tricks to keep you focused during an exam:
1.Take deep breaths. Allow the smell of fear and unwashed laundry emanating from your classmates to wash over you. Stings the nostrils, doesn’t it?  That tingle will keep your clearheaded.
2. Picture everyone in the room naked, if for some reason that’s a thing that works for you. I’d limit yourself to ten seconds or less, though. Don’t forget that you’re short on time.
3. Get some exercise before the test. You can work off a bit of your excess adrenaline.  Just don’t do anything to cramp your typing fingers. Also, don’t work out so hard that you fall asleep during the test.
The most important thing you can do is keep things in perspective. The test isn’t the end of the world. You will still be a good person (I’m assuming), even if you don’t ace it.   
Take some of the pressure off yourself, and you’ll do just fine.
You can do it!