DPS Security Report: April 1, 2013

A lineup of the usual suspects, all of whom the Law Weekly considers famous enough to be public figures.

Completely Accurate DPS Security Report: April 1, 2013

4:45 a.m.: High winds advisory. HoyAlert dispatched via text message, phone call, and email.

10:22 a.m.: Suspicious person seen on campus. Caucasian, average height, mid thirties to sixties, dark hair, glasses, wearing a tweed blazer and carrying suspicious stacks of papers. HoyAlert warning dispatched to entire campus.

2:38 p.m.: Black mail spotted with gun on roof of Gewirz. Campus locked down.

2:39 p.m.: Post investigation, person on roof found to be white, female, and a professor, holding a cell phone. Professor sternly warned.

5:16 p.m.: Shots fired on sidewalk adjoining campus. Two hurt. Easily recognizable suspect seen driving an easily recognizable van, circling immediate neighborhood around campus. Suspect presumably still armed.

5:20 p.m.: D.C. metro police arrived. Students on scene warned to “just walk around it, thanks.”

8:01 p.m.: Email sent to students with description of shooting, and also next week’s weather forecast and lucky lotto numbers.

9:39 p.m.: Student is victim of attempted mugging on corner of New Jersey and H St. Attempted muggers surrounded student on bicycles and hit student with umbrella. (This actually happened.)

11:07 p.m.: Suspicious package found in Gewirz package room.

11:14 p.m.: Suspicious package found in Sport & Fitness men’s locker room.


(Happy April Fool’s Day! Love, Law Weekly.)

SBA Special Events succeeded in balancing competing concerns for Barrister’s Ball ‘13

Barrister’s Ball is an important, well-attended and popular social event in which law students can forget about the stressors of work and school for a night and delight in a themed dance party at a fancy venue with an open bar. The Law Weekly found this year’s event to be a vast improvement on that of last year, due to sincere dedication by the SBA Special Events Committee and responsiveness to student feedback from barrister’s balls past.


At this year’s event, what was gained in the quality in the venue was lost in the food. But, if this tradeoff was necessitated by the choice of a more expensive venue, then the SBA decided appropriately. SBA president Shaun Zhang, 3L, explained that the Mayflower Hotel is one of the more expensive venues to rent in D.C. So, to keep costs low, the committee accepted a package deal in which the hotel would provide its own food and caterers at a reduced price. That gave the committee less say over what was served and may have resulted in a less than stellar food offering. At the start of the dance, a table set up offered potato chips and a couple kinds of dip, which seemed like a somewhat strange choice for a semiformal event. However, SBA says this decision was done in compliance with the law school’s policy that events serving alcohol must also always serve food. Later, servers brought around trays of light snacks like chicken skewers and spring rolls. Desserts were served later on. Either way, at a late-evening dance party where many of the guests arrived after 10 p.m., and music blasted all night, investing in an expensive dinner menu would not have made very much sense. The SBA exercised wise judgment in emphasizing other factors, such as the choice of venue and D.J., over the food selection.


Students reactions’ were mixed to SBA’s decision to hold the event on a Friday night, which would require evening students and those who work on Fridays to scramble to get ready at the last minute or miss class in order to attend. However, the choice in day of the week may have saved the SBA approximately $50,000, which resulted in cheaper tickets. Thus, the decision to hold the ball on a Friday was another example of the tradeoffs the committee must make in trying to throw a highquality event that is still affordable. Venue The strongest point of the night was the decision to hold the event at the Mayflower Hotel. Compared to last year’s ball, the size of the venue was much more appropriate for fostering an intimate feeling without being overly crowded. The venue’s two stories with balconies overlooking the dance floor created a sense of togetherness to the ball. The SBA chose the Mayflower with complaints from previous events in mind. Two years ago, guests complained that the venue was too crowded. Last year, many felt that the space was too large and impersonal for the number of people in attendance. This year, the SBA found the goldilocks of dance venues and got it just right. With the second story overlooking the dance floor, guests who wanted to sit at tables rather than dance the night away were still close enough that they felt that they were part of the event. Furthermore, the elegance and charm of the Mayflower Hotel appropriately matched the ball’s Roaring Twenties theme.


The Special Events Committee successfully navigated competing concerns in response to students’ criticism of the number of tickets sold. Zhang said that selling more than the usual 800 tickets is a huge gamble for the SBA, which would have to absorb the costs of not selling enough tickets. However, the SBA responded promptly when Facebook comments made it clear that students felt that demand for tickets exceeded supply, and it made the unprecedented choice to sell an additional 200 tickets on top of their initial sale of 1,000. Ashley Binetti, special events committee co-chair, said the organization cared deeply about and worked diligently toward providing an enjoyable experience for as many law students as possible. However, while the SBA appreciates student feedback, Zhang said that it believes that opinions could be more effective if they were channeled through more appropriate venues, such as direct emails, rather than inflammatory social media rants. The Law Weekly thinks that a hostile confrontation between the student body and the Special Events Committee could be avoided through greater communication and dialogue between the two sides. The student body, particularly the L.L.M.’s, want to partake in the experience without having to stress over buying a ticket. They value accessibility over anything else. But the SBA, which stands to absorb the costs of buying more tickets than it can sell, has to struggle to balance a variety of competing concerns, some of which are not always readily apparent to outsiders. What’s important is that the lines of communication stay open. Students have a stake in knowing why decisions that will affect their experience are made in a certain way, and the SBA deserves for students to appreciate how painstaking the process of planning and executing the event can be. While the SBA made a smart move in publishing Chief of Staff Justin Waddell’s memo in response to student criticsm, it should do more from an earlier point in the year to include student input in the event planning process, which the SBA says begins in the summer.


Who can forget a DJ who goes by the name Sanitize? The committee chose wisely in selecting a DJ who has performed at D.C. venues popular to the young adult crowd such as Rock N Roll Hotel, the Velvet Lounge, Napoleon, and U Street Music Hall. Sanitize did a better job than DJ’s prior of apealling to a broader variety of musical tastes rather than catering to one genre, such as the trance/houseleaning DJ of last year’s ball.

Kosmo’s dating advice for law students: Who should make the first move?

Who should make the first move?

Women have more to lose when it comes to making the first move, given social norms concerning sexual aggressiveness. But it’s unfair that men are expected to always initiate, especially in today’s supposedly modern, increasingly gender-neutral world.

There’s an easy solution. No one ask anyone out on a date, ever. Easy.

Does that answer not satisfy you? Then maybe you should do something about it. Like speak more than three sentences to that cute barista you keep eyeing every weekday morning. Or actually ask out that girl you’ve had a crush on since high school.

Or not. You could always just choose to be alone forever, which is a rational and cost-effective option. FB;GM?

I’m a non-hideous person with only the average law student amount of social awkwardness. Why am I still single?


Probably because nobody likes you. Next! But seriously, don’t wait to be asked out. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. You never know what could happen. The worst that could happen is that you are rejected, Probably because nobody likesyou. Next!
But seriously, don’t wait to beasked out. Beauty is in the eyes of thebeholder. You never know whatcould happen.The worst that could happen is that you are rejected, forever. 


THE SIDEBAR (presented by OCS and OPICS): Public Interest Summer Funding FAQ’s

For those of you planning on working in a public interest position this summer, you likely have questions about how Georgetown’s Equal Justice Foundation (EJF) guaranteed summer funding program works. Here are a few FAQs to help you on your journey to a financially supported and professionally fulfilling summer:

Who is eligible for the EJF Guaranteed Summer Funding?

All J.D. students (with a status of 1L, 1E, 2E, 2L, or 3E, or joint or concurrent degree candidates graduating no sooner than December 2013) are eligible for EJF Funding. Students must engage in projects that involve law-related work for a public interest organization or governmentalentity. Work abroad, judicial internships, and some work for public-interest law firms are included.

What is the EJF Guaranteed Summer Funding?

How much will I make? How long is my commitment? Georgetown will offer eligible students a fellowship of $3,250 for a six week, full-time summer internship.

Do I need to have accepted an offer to submit the initial application (due February 25, 2013)?

No, you do not need an accepted offer to apply! Your first application simply begins the process. You will need to have accepted an offer for employment (or a written extension from OPICS) before submitting the final, hard-copy application (due April 10, 2013).

If I split my summer between a firm and a public interest organization, can I get EJF? What if my organization offers a small stipend? What if I find another fellowship or source of funding?

Over the summer, you can make some money from outside sources (firm, employer, other fellowships, or another job) and remain eligible for EJF. If you are a 1L, 1E, or 2E, you can make up to $7250 ($4000 from an outside source). If you’re a 2L or 3E, you can make up to $8250 ($5,000 from an outside source). Can I be a Research Assistant and get EJF? What about other on campuswork or a Georgetown-related fellowship?

Students are not allowed to receive EJF if they are also being paid by Georgetown for other summer work, including work as a Research Assistant. If you receive an Equal Justice America Fellowship, you also become ineligible for EJF.

What are my obligations if I receive EJF funding?

All EJF applicants are required to complete the initial and final applications on time, attend an EJF Information Session (the next session will be February 13 at 5 p.m. in McDonough 206), attend a payroll session to complete payroll paperwork, and submit necessary forms if traveling abroad. All recipients are required to complete three volunteer hours with the Equal Justice Foundation. Students who receive EJF are also required to submit a reflection memo, a Symplicity review of their experience, and a record of work experience.

What sources of funding exist beyond EJF?

Various subject-area, geographic, and school-based fellowships exist to support summer work. The PSJD website provides a comprehensive list (http://www.psjd.org/Summer_Funding_Resources_Available_for_Work_in_Any_Geographic_Location) of fundingbeyond EJF that may be available for you.

How can I learn more about EJF? And where do I get the final application documents?

Check out the EJF Guaranteed Summer Funding website (http://www.law.georgetown.edu/careers/funding-public-sector/summer-funding/EJF.cfm) for more information and the application materials. You can also attend the next Info Session on February 13 at 5:00 p.m. (McDonough 206) or stop by OPICS with your questions.

To sign up for Hoya Headlines,please visit our website at: http://www.law.georgetown.edu/careers/hoya-headlines/.


by Morgan Lynn

Public Interest and Government Career Counselor, Office of Public Interest and Community Service

Kosmo’s sex tips for law students


1. Lightly tickle his [censored] with MPRE flash cards. Men love professionally responsible stimulation. Careful with paper cuts!

2. Name his [censored] after his favorite 1L professor. He’ll be impressed that you remembered. Hello, Professor Gornstein.

3. As you’re going down on him, take small breaks to quiz him on the elements of personal jurisdiction. Refuse to keep going until he answers correctly. Your anal retentive attention to detail will really rev his engines!

4. If he asks about his performance, grade him on a B+ curve. (If he’s insecure, give him an easy pass/fail.)

5. Create a maze of potential torts leading into the bedroom. Fun choices include banana peels, wet floors, and dangling electric lines. Nothing excites a man more than the thrill of personal injury!

6. Instead of sending suggestive texts throughout the day, surprise him with a sexy bullet point outline. He won’t be able to wait to Ctrl+F you when class is over!

7. When he’s least expecting it, tell your man you need a highlighter. Stick your hand in his pocket and handle his “highlighter” through the fabric, pretending you’re really digging around for that marker you need. When he’s good and hard, whisper something in his ear like, “I have 85 pages of reading tonight.”

8. Try sex standing, with one leg on his shoulder and the other leg carefully balancing on a stack of casebooks (height-dependent). Give him an E&E to hold in each hand while you stare deeply into his eyes. You will never feel so connected!

9. When your guy takes you to study in the library before class, excuse yourself and go to the restroom. Carefully slip off your panties and ball them up in your hand as you walk back to your carrell. Then secretly hide them in the notebook he’ll be using for his next class. Your guy will be tickled pink when a lace thong falls out of his notebook during a 20 person seminar on sex trafficking. There is no way that could go wrong!

10. Do it in the law school library. There are no cameras in the private study rooms, though you need three students to reserve. A perfect opportunity to involve the RF!

11. Don’t be afraid to get a little rough on him. In the heat of the moment, get on top and casually mention that his grades put him out of contention for BigLaw jobs and he’ll be six figures in debt by the time he’s 30. He’ll love that you’re being bad!

12. Next time you’re out at a club, pull out your sexiest dance moves. When he’s really him arrested for sexual assault. He’ll love the chance to practice his Miranda rights; you’ll love the break from dealing with the fact that you’re a law student/dating a law student/taking these tips seriously. 


*This is a parody, and thus arguably fair use. We are not Cosmopolitan magazine. Please don’t DMCA us.


What you should give up for Lent predicated on the very scientific basis of your Zodiac sign:
Aries—Ego. Don’t worry; that empty void will soon be filled with vanity instead.
Taurus—Material wants. 30 days without your phone or alcohol will turn you into Tarzan and bring one step closer to understanding nature.
Gemini—Facebook. I dare you. If it’s difficult, reconnect with MySpace.
Cancer—Stop thinking about dying. Wait, that’s impossible.
Leo—Gossip. If you actually manage to stay silent for a split second, then the world must be ending.
Virgo—Make-up. Though you probably don’t want to be mistaken for the grim reaper.
Libra—People. Sadly, you will probably turn psycho.
Scorpio—Sex. Especially on Thursdays. Hint. Hint.
Sagittarius—Texting. Your phone company will love you, as well as that girl you’re stalking.
Capricorn—Food. Christ went 40 days and nights without food. Why can’t you?
Aquarius—Caffeine. The withdrawal is good for penitence.
Pisces— Empathy. People suck. Turning the other cheek requires too much effort.

by Zuka Chuka-Obah, 2L

55th Grammy Awards Thrill, Delight

Sunday, February 10, marked the year’s biggest night in music – the 55th annual Grammy Awards! The night teemed with lightheartedness with host LL Cool J, nail-biting envelope opening, and as usual, some pretty strange performance duos.

LL Cool J returned for his second year. I had high expectations for his emcee performance, after he managed to find a perfect balance last year between cheerful celebration for the ceremony and dignified respect for the recently deceased Whitney Houston. LL did not disappoint!

Over 81 awards were presented to over 300 nominees Sunday night, including Record of the Year, Album of the Year, Song of the Year, Best New Artist, Best Pop Vocal Album, Best Rock Album, Best Rap Album, and Best Country Album. Six lucky artists tied for the most nominations, each scoring a whopping six nods from the Awards & Nominations Committee.

Resident Grammy contenders Kanye West and Jay-Z returned for yet another year, receiving nods for their collaboration on the album Watch the Throne. Another repeat contender, Mumford & Sons, returned with nominations for their sophomore album, Babel, including several nods for the catchy single “I Will Wait.”

 Indie pop rock icons The Black Keys also returned to the Grammys scene with nominations for tracks off from their new album El Camino. Drummer-producer Dan Auerbach helped push The Black Keys to tie for most nominated with his masterful production of several albums.

Given that a record is simply a track on an album, ever wonder what the difference between Record of the Year and Song of the Year is? According to the Grammys FAQ page, Record of the Year recognizes both the artist and the team behind the artist while Song of the Year awards the songwriter(s).

Newcomer fun. enjoyed nominations in both categories, thanks to chart-topping infectious pop rock song “We Are Young.” Formed in 2008 in New York City, fun. also snagged nominations in Best New Artist, Best Pop Duo/Group Performance, Album of the Year, and Best Pop Vocal Album, tying for most nominations.

Another newcomer, Frank Ocean, shared the Best New Artist nomination with fun. Frank Ocean released his first album in July 2012. However, the master singer-songwriter has been active in the music industry since 2009 and even won a Rookie of the Year award back in 2011. Following intense media coverage after coming out as gay this past summer in an interview, Frank Ocean soon made waves by bringing diversity to the hip hop and R&B world with his music, creating an expert blend of R&B and storytelling in his soulful Channel Orange album. Frank Ocean received six nods, including Album of the Year, Best Urban Contemporary Album, Best Rap/Sung Collaboration, Best Short Form Video, and Record of the Year.

Other notable nominees included: “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepson (you know, that song you can never get out of your head) for Song of the Year (really?!) and Best Pop Solo Performance; Taylor Swift’s “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” for Record of the Year (another shocker); Gotye’s “Somebody That I Used to Know,” (still being played every five minutes on the radio); “Sexy and I Know It” by LMFAO, which was released in 2011 so who knows why it was nominated; Drake’s multiple nods for songs off of Take Care; and Zac Brown Band’s Uncaged album, (which helped even country novices like myself love the genre).

Performances by popular artists from country, rock, pop, and R&B genres thrilled the audience. However, despite Jay-Z and Kanye’s 12 combined nominations, hip hop was shut out of the Grammys. Instead, other contemporary artists collaborated with some of the greats to create interesting, if not sometimes odd, pairings.

Solo performances included Jack White, the highly publicized return of Justin Timberlake, The Black Keys, Frank Ocean, Mumford & Sons, Kelly Clarkson, The Lumineers, fun., Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood, Justin Bieber, and Rihanna. Rihanna also sang with Bruno Mars and Sting in a performance that had critics worried about possible mismatched harmonization and style (remember the atrocity of that Christina Aguilera and Limp Bizkit pairing?!). Other collaborations included Elton John and Ed Sheeran, Dierks Bentley and Miranda Lambert, and Maroon 5, and Alicia Keys. Each duo successfully combined perfect style, rhythm, and harmony.


by Jessica Long, 3L

Top 10 V-Day dates for law students

1. Give your date a flower plucked from the ground as you go to pick her up. Originality is always rewarded.
2. Pick your date up with a limo driven by your mother. Your date will love your closeness with your family.
3. Instead of giving your date chocolate, give her or him a bag of healthy pretzels.
4. Valentine cards are old-fashioned . Give your date the Law Weekly Newspaper. You will be loved.
5. Why go out to lunch? Start Lent early.
6. Shop at Goodwill. Why spend money at Nordstrom?
7. Does your girl want jewelry? Rummage through the dumpster, you will be amazed at what you will find.
8. Forget movie theater;, stream 50 first dates from Hulu.
9. Take your date to McDonald’s for dinner. Hey, McDonald’s ain’t cheap. Be proud.
10 Set camp outside the “W” and dance the night away. Why spend money to go inside the “W” when you can have fun and privacy dancing under the stars?
by Zuka Chuka-Obah, 2L

SBA, GULC will install new campus bike racks

For the past several years, Georgetown University Law Center students have complained that there is an insufficient number of bicycle racks on campus to meet the growing need.

The idea was already espoused by the Georgetown Law Green Committee in its 2011 Annual Report where it stated that installing additional bicycle racks was of “immediate importance” and cited it as one of its Green Committee Initiatives for the year. The Student Bar Association has also attempted to tackle the problem numerous times but is yet to produce a viable solution 

In the past, the SBA has struggled to come to a communal decision on both the funding source and placement of potential bicycle racks on campus. However, the student government, in conjunction with campus Facilities Management, took its first tangible step forward this past week when it established a poll on the second floor of McDonough that allowed students to place colored stickers on a map of campus to select where they would like to have the new bicycle rack placed. The innovative system allowed students to have a direct say in the location of facilities on campus. The survey is also available online for students who missed the board before it was removed Friday afternoon.

There are currently only nine bicycle racks on campus and some students have chosen to chain their bicycles to fences as an alternative. There are seven possible areas where new racks can be installed, including a space at the back of campus near Second Street and two areas at the front of campus near New Jersey Avenue. Conversely, there are locations on either side of the quad between McDonough and Gewirz Residence Hall.

In a resolution passed on January 29, 2013 by the SBA House of Delegates, it was decided that 600 dollars would be assigned to the Green Committee for the acquisition of a bicycle rack. An additional 200 dollars would be allocated to the Green Committee for its installation.

The Green Committee was formed in 2009 when the Georgetown Green Student Action Group and the Green Committee merged. This development reflects the campus and the Green Committee’s main aim of “thinking globally and acting locally to make Georgetown Law an environmentally sustainable campus.”


by Ann Y. Du, 1L