The seating arrangement “New Couch” has won the Student Bar Association Day Division position of Vice President in a close election runoff against Morgan Freeman.
The election began with a pool of various candidates, all with different visions for Georgetown University Law Center. Mickey Mouse claimed he would clean up the school with a lively broom, and the Yellow Teletubby exclaimed: “laa laa,” and nobody knew what this meant.
Morgan Freeman gave a lengthy speech, enumerating the lengths he would go to to serve the Law Center. “For twenty days and twenty nights, the Emperor Penguin will march to a place so extreme, it supports no other life. In the harshest place on earth, love finds a way. For Georgetown, I will lead the way,” he said.
Despite these various positions, it was New Couch who caught the voters’ attention.
New Couch promised to be comfortable in the role: soft enough to conform to school rules and firm enough to stay steady in its convictions. “I will fill the vacant seat of authority at the school, and you can rest on me when you are in need,” Couch told the voters.
After the first round of elections, New Couch and Morgan Freeman were in a dead heat. The SBA called for a runoff election between the two candidates to determine who would be the next SBA Day Division Vice President.
The runoff election got tense as the mudslinging began. In a heated debate only days before the runoff, Morgan Freeman called the sofa a “La-Z-Boy” who would “do nothing for the student community but sit around.” He also accused the new couch of being “nothing but a love seat,” not nearly wide enough to accommodate the interests of more than two people at a time. Freeman believes this is simply not enough for the Georgetown Law Community.
New Couch responded that “while Morgan Freeman may have the voice of an authoritative angel, he lacks substance.” New Couch pleaded with the voters to not be distracted by the dulcet tones of Freeman’s voice – but to recognize that his speech merely consisted of excerpts from March of the Penguins. “He has no platform, and I do,” Couch claimed. “Do not be fooled by his empty words.”
New Couch won by only two votes. When interviewed, a law student who voted for New Couch expressed her hopes for the upcoming school year. “Like, I don’t ask for that much, just a couch to sit on,” she confessed.
by Alexa Tsakopoulos, 1L